I need to schedule my life.

There is no point to my day when I don't have someplace to be, and when I DO have someplace to be, I usually just dick around until it's time to get ready, then I leave. I get dishes and cleaning done, but there is no routine to it. No plan... and I think I'm a more scattered person because of it.

God knows Ted isn't good at planning a routine... but he can conform to a plan so if we tried it, it would work.

Take, for example, getting the kids to school on time. Back when we only had one school-aged child, we had no routine, really. Try to get up on time, get dressed, eat and get to school on time. it wasn't working for us. I got a letter from school saying that my child's habitual tardiness was affecting her ability to properly learn (this was first grade).

I developed a schedule. We started getting the kids up at 6:45, handling everything in between, and literally driving out of the driveway by 7:50 am. if that meant I had to go out at 7:40 to warm up the car on a frosty morning I had to remember to do it.

By the time my son was in preschool (a year or so later) we had the schedule down and I was Captain Carpool in my neighborhood... only, it pissed people off when I told them I was leaving at 7:50 and actually did. I was willing to even take people's kids to school after I returned if they didn't make my bus, but i had to leave by 7:50 to beat the line that forms and sluggishly makes everyone in it's children late for school.

If a morning routine to get the kids fed and to school on time worked for me, why couldn't a personal schedule? I'll tell you, it's because I'm guiding them through the schedule, and giving them little opportunity to deviate. I can't enforce shit on myself. I let my vices (coffee, laziness, etc) rule me. After Ted and the kids are gone it's just me, my cats and dog. I usually make another pot of coffee and see what's going on in the news and who has given me a pellet of social nutrition, usually on facebook.

I'm trying to blog more because it's better for me than fishing for attention on facebook. I might start video blogging too, just to get even more attention. Fuck you, at least I'm honest. I want attention just like most people. School is out right now, and I didn't really get to go to school last semester because of my injury... so I've been in my house for months with pretty much no social interaction aside from what I can get on the internet... which is substantial but tricky.

The internet sucks me into this virtual world... where everything is virtually as I want it to be... at least, as close to I want it to be as I can get it. I have shunned all of my friends preferring Ted's company to any of theirs... and only tolerating friends who either come to me or who I play music with... and I only see them when I'm playing music.

I have been playing guitar with my girlfriend Caroline for a couple years now. We take months long breaks sometimes. She is more folky and I have a solid punk and jazz background... but our mixed sound seems to work... I want to take out little acoustic thing and make it amplified. I think I'm going to switch to bass and recruit a drummer.... only, Caroline wants to play acoustic guitar... and I want to have a rock band before I get older, damn it! Ted won't help me... he actually told me to ask my friend Paul for help. his words were, "Why don't you start a band with Paul?" and I was like, "because Paul lives in the UK!"

But then I remembered the wonder of the internet and that we both have home recording equipment... who knows? Maybe file trading will commence. Maybe not? All I know is, I'm going to be 32 in about 9 months... and though I've been in a few bands and played live tons and tons of times, I have never had "my own" band. That would be awesome.

I just need someone to help me write songs so I can recruit any local female talent to play "my" songs. What an idea.