They Make Me Violate Them, No Matter Who They Are
It's difficult to be married to Ted. Sometimes I question that choice. It all comes down to my relationship with his band as an entity and with the individuals that make it up. I feel like Ted and I had a very peaceful marriage in during the time that Craig's Brother was on Hiatus.
We (myself, Ted and the people in his band) are all very self-absorbed people with exasperatingly strong personalities.
After more than ten years of desired and attempted amicability, it has finally occurred to me that I don't have to be friends with, or even like, the people in Ted's band. Just because we're family doesn't mean we are friends. I have hard relationships with some people in my true-blood family... enough so that I know the score with my band family... that is, if we are truly family.
I am weak. I am a quitter. I am. I would rather walk away... I guess... but instead I straggle along behind, bitching and moaning the whole way. It's hope that keeps me going, but hope is not enough to give any mission full power. Desire is a forceful aid if it's strong enough. I have desire... but I also have mental issues. I get offended at the behavior of Ted and the people in his band sometimes. I hate it when they become so wrapped up in the happenings of their project that they act like the proverbial chicken with it's head cut off, only in the plural.
My attempt to reconcile my own self loathing and to discover what I am worth in this life, doesn't take aid from their constant, focused narcissism. "Go off and do your own thing, then" you might say. I can't. I just don't have it in me. Don't like the bitching, eh? Then I would direct your attention to the button at the top of the screen that says, "next blog", and I further ask that you forget you read this. Sure it's public, but it's not for anyone who doesn't care, so please don't waste your time reading what I have to say.
Sometimes it helps just to get it out. I don't really have any friends, and the friends that I do have are either far away or are not really interested in what I have going on as much as what they have to gain by lending an ear. I obviously can't name names... but the saying, "keep your friends close and your enemies closer", certainly does not go without merit. Sometimes I can't tell the difference between my friends and my enemies.
I have been watching Black Lagoon. It's awesome. I have never liked dance music as much as I did on E, but Mell is pretty cool. :)
It's difficult to be married to Ted. Sometimes I question that choice. It all comes down to my relationship with his band as an entity and with the individuals that make it up. I feel like Ted and I had a very peaceful marriage in during the time that Craig's Brother was on Hiatus.
We (myself, Ted and the people in his band) are all very self-absorbed people with exasperatingly strong personalities.
After more than ten years of desired and attempted amicability, it has finally occurred to me that I don't have to be friends with, or even like, the people in Ted's band. Just because we're family doesn't mean we are friends. I have hard relationships with some people in my true-blood family... enough so that I know the score with my band family... that is, if we are truly family.
I am weak. I am a quitter. I am. I would rather walk away... I guess... but instead I straggle along behind, bitching and moaning the whole way. It's hope that keeps me going, but hope is not enough to give any mission full power. Desire is a forceful aid if it's strong enough. I have desire... but I also have mental issues. I get offended at the behavior of Ted and the people in his band sometimes. I hate it when they become so wrapped up in the happenings of their project that they act like the proverbial chicken with it's head cut off, only in the plural.
My attempt to reconcile my own self loathing and to discover what I am worth in this life, doesn't take aid from their constant, focused narcissism. "Go off and do your own thing, then" you might say. I can't. I just don't have it in me. Don't like the bitching, eh? Then I would direct your attention to the button at the top of the screen that says, "next blog", and I further ask that you forget you read this. Sure it's public, but it's not for anyone who doesn't care, so please don't waste your time reading what I have to say.
Sometimes it helps just to get it out. I don't really have any friends, and the friends that I do have are either far away or are not really interested in what I have going on as much as what they have to gain by lending an ear. I obviously can't name names... but the saying, "keep your friends close and your enemies closer", certainly does not go without merit. Sometimes I can't tell the difference between my friends and my enemies.
I have been watching Black Lagoon. It's awesome. I have never liked dance music as much as I did on E, but Mell is pretty cool. :)
4 Comments:
I really like the honesty in this post.
I just want you to know that I am always willing to lend an ear. I know we've not known each other too long but I do consider you a good friend. so if you do ever want to tell me stuff that is going on, I want to know, and this isn't just a hollow "i'm there for you" bullshit statement I honestly mean it.
Thanks, mang. :) When I was writing about my friends it was a general statement, but two people in particular popped in to my head when I was thinking of friends who were far away and friends who had something to gain from knowing me. You were the friend I thought of when thinking of someone far away. The other person may like me but that person also wants VIP access to my husband. haha.. jerks!
VIP access to your husband? haha well I do hope you don't think thats my motive for being your friend, I know I like the band and everything but I like our friendship more. and I kind of feel sorry for someone who just talks to you because of that reason they are missing out on your aceness.
Lol! I was thinking of a female friend who is within our local circle. :)
I am grateful to CB for creating a way for you and I to meet. I consider our relationship separate from the band. it's just handy that you also are familiar with the music and band, because I can talk to you about it. :)
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