Lady of Leisure? Perhaps, Perhaps.
A friend of a friend once asked me if I was a Lady of Leisure. I was mildly offended by the question, having little affection for or desire to share anything in common with the person who inquired. After some reflection, however, I realized that I am quite a lady of leisure, though, the label "lady" is used in its most general form.
As it turns out, even though we live on a very low income, I am very free to pursue almost any hobby or job that I wish. I have been going to school but I took this semester off. I am able to make the decision to stay home and play video games or read comic books all day if I want to. I mean... you know... there's vacuuming and dishes and taking the dog for a walk... there's all the daily issues of the childrens homework, but the biggest problem I deal with is loneliness. I prefer to stay home during the day. I prefer solitude to social interaction in a physical way, but I do feel the effects of isolation. 6 hours a day I spend by myself, 4 days a week, and 1 day a week I get 4.5 hours alone. It's what I do with the time that makes a difference.
Yesterday I rearranged some furniture in my room and today I have to clean out a closet and reorganize my filing cabinet. I must do these things so I can get my home in order.... but aside from that and regular, everyday stuff I don't have much to do. I have tons of musical instruments and the knowledge to use them at my disposal... but I mostly read comics, play video games and (ab)use the internet. Why do I do that? The whole while I am sitting on my ass playing a game and listening to music instead of playing it, I am thinking, what a waste. Here I am, not practicing music, not studying anything academic. I'm a complete waste of human making components.
Why am I here? I made some babies that would be completely lost without me... so now I can't go away... but sometimes I don't know why I am here. I don't know where my motivation went.... well, maybe I do know the answer to that question.... but yeah, I feel like a waste more often than not. With billions of humans in this world... why am I given the life that I have as well as a hefty dose of apathy and lethargy? I suppose it's because I'm a spoiled, rich American. Even though we are students living on a modest income, we have a very comfortable life with all the perks everyone else has. Maybe I don't have an estate (yet) but I regularly enjoy luxuries, and I'm included in the small population of the world who carries cash in their pocket.
A Lady of Leisure am I. I do what I wish when I wish it, for the most part. I am confined only by the constraints of a family life and minor responsibility.... though, I do have a deep, dark fear of perpetual isolation and uselessness. I am useful to Ted... but what if I became useless to him? What would I do? I think I afford myself the amount of laziness that I do because I know I am able to be productive or helpful if I wish... but really... I'm only slightly better than one of my kitty cats... whose sole purpose in life is to lie in the sun and give me love... and love me they do, and for that I appreciate them immensely.
I know my kitty cats love for me is based on selfish desires of theirs, but I don't care. If it makes them happy to sit in my lap and purr, and I get to hold them and rub my face in their fur and lay my head against their tummy's... I don't know... maybe it's mutual. Maybe they see the value I place on them and they are happy to oblige me some affection.
I'm fucking insane.
And Paul, we got out tax money so I can hopefully get my shit up and running (and therefore have a point to my life!!! Yay!)
8 Comments:
haha that last bit makes it sound like I'm waiting for you to give me money!
who asked you if you were a lady of leisure? people often ask me that because I don't go out to work - and these are people who know I have great problems going out.
I often feel the way that you do but I think you under estimate your worth somewhat, you have helped prolong the human race and not only that but you ensure with good parenting that the human race will be prolonged in a good way. I have no idea what I'm going on about. you are really important, to your children, to Ted even to me, I do like to think we are proper friends not just "internet" friends if you know what I mean.
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I was thinking about what we would do if we had a day to hang out. I imagine that we would do some chatting and drinking of tea, but also (if we were at your house) we could spend hours recording and having tons of fun! I consider you a good friend in a way that transcends continents or cable lines. :) I'm glad also to be IBFF's!! And I like that when I talk about my kitties, you have a great understanding of what I'm talking about.
Haha... And yes, I owe Paul about a million dollars, but that will never be equal to the worth of what he has given me!!
you owe me nothing! you have given me more !
do you drink Tea the way we do? cause I remember saying to someone from the US once a while ago about our way of tea drinking and they were horrified! I go a little mad when people come to my house I open up itunes and say listen to this, listen to that never getting to the end of a song and then they don't like it when I've got music on with 2 TV's going at the same time with different shows on. and I share the same love for cats as you do so I both understand and am very interested :)
IBFF sounds like some kind of artificial birth thing haha but yeah IBFF!
We don't drink tea here the way British people probably do... if the stereotypes are true. I think that people here who do tea time and stuff are a little higher-end than us coffee drinking low-lifes...hahaha.
I keep assorted tea bags on hand but we only sometimes buy nice tea leaves and break out treats or whatever to go with it. That would be out of the ordinary... haha... I don't think our children even like tea.
Ted likes to have Throat Coat tea before he sings sometimes.
we have tea with boiled water, milk and sugar and even reading that to myself it looks pretty disgusting but its not!
coffee is okay, I have it quite a lot but I really shouldn't
Leisure vs Wealth? Give me Leisure! In fact, Give me Leisure or give me death!
Leisure vs Wealth? Leisure!
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