I don't know if I'm going to keep using this service or not. I've never been able to keep a journal of my own, so don't get your hopes up.
It could be that the reason why I can't keep a journal, is because I take so much time in between entries that too much happens for me to keep track of, and some "obsessive compulsive" part of me wants everything to be written out accurately, and in exact chronological order. I don't have the time or patience for that.
My husband thinks that I have OCD and ADD. I've never been examined or treated for either, and really, what I think is that I have insecurity and boredom issues, which cause me to behave certain ways. Ted (that's my husbands middle name, and also the name that everyone knows him by) has been really busy with his band lately. They got together around 1995, and broke up in 2002, and now they're back together again, getting ready to record. I'm totally down with the whole band thing. I love the music, and I really believe that if they play their cards right they can land a major deal with someone big... I know, I know, a common dream... we'll see.
Anyways, Ted's been busy with that lately, not to metion the fact that he is getting ready graduate from UC Santa Cruz in less than 3 months, and I'm feeling insecure. He tries really hard to make me feel good. He gives me what little time he has, he watches the kids so I can take a class and go to my under paying job (it's a fun job), but the time I get with him is never enough for me I guess. Why do I feel that way?
He hypes himself all up for the record label guys... and for who ever else is watching. He acts superior, yet approachable, and is basically telling every one affiiated with creating the recording what he wants and that he won't accept less. I think it's the tough guy act that makes me feel inferior, like maybe he feels that way about me too. But, of course, he doesn't and when it all comes down to it, I have that deep seeded insecurity issue I can't over come... no matter how much "self improving" I do.
Not that my self improvements aren't good ones that could benefit my family as well as myself, but I'm still looking for my ultimate purpose. I know that having all the love in the world can't make an insecure person suddenly feel confident; I have two beautiful children and a loving husband, so my conclusion is that I need to find that something about myself that "does it" for me.
That's all for now. My bigger purpose just walked in the door.
-SF-
It could be that the reason why I can't keep a journal, is because I take so much time in between entries that too much happens for me to keep track of, and some "obsessive compulsive" part of me wants everything to be written out accurately, and in exact chronological order. I don't have the time or patience for that.
My husband thinks that I have OCD and ADD. I've never been examined or treated for either, and really, what I think is that I have insecurity and boredom issues, which cause me to behave certain ways. Ted (that's my husbands middle name, and also the name that everyone knows him by) has been really busy with his band lately. They got together around 1995, and broke up in 2002, and now they're back together again, getting ready to record. I'm totally down with the whole band thing. I love the music, and I really believe that if they play their cards right they can land a major deal with someone big... I know, I know, a common dream... we'll see.
Anyways, Ted's been busy with that lately, not to metion the fact that he is getting ready graduate from UC Santa Cruz in less than 3 months, and I'm feeling insecure. He tries really hard to make me feel good. He gives me what little time he has, he watches the kids so I can take a class and go to my under paying job (it's a fun job), but the time I get with him is never enough for me I guess. Why do I feel that way?
He hypes himself all up for the record label guys... and for who ever else is watching. He acts superior, yet approachable, and is basically telling every one affiiated with creating the recording what he wants and that he won't accept less. I think it's the tough guy act that makes me feel inferior, like maybe he feels that way about me too. But, of course, he doesn't and when it all comes down to it, I have that deep seeded insecurity issue I can't over come... no matter how much "self improving" I do.
Not that my self improvements aren't good ones that could benefit my family as well as myself, but I'm still looking for my ultimate purpose. I know that having all the love in the world can't make an insecure person suddenly feel confident; I have two beautiful children and a loving husband, so my conclusion is that I need to find that something about myself that "does it" for me.
That's all for now. My bigger purpose just walked in the door.
-SF-
