So it finally happened.  Ted (sort of) left... and left me hanging.  Why?  Because I love him too much... fuck.  It hurts so much.  I really thought I was vying for Worlds Perfect Wife.. haha... I exaggerate... of course I'm not perfect. Ted and I fight all the time.  He finally did what I was never able to do... he started staying away and refusing to call or text me back.  I know I'm pathetic... I just think there's a better way... so many guys want me... I get hit on at work all the time.... I know I look good... fuck... I'm smart and I'm a good bass player.  I'm a loving mother... why do we have to fight... why doesn't he want me... why do I want him so bad... it's not fucking fair. See, Total Bummer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KUVJO8LzSA for a good perspective on "fair"... though... Fat Mike isn't a feeble freak like me.

My band is getting me through, though  I fucking love those guys.  (Paul, Jonathan, Damien, I fucking love you guys...) that, and the fact that I know my kids really need me has kept me from bringing along a backup razor.  I won't bail them because my heart is ripping the fuck out of my chest... I'm worthy.... I'm beautiful... please, I don't care... I know I'm pathetic... I just want the pain to stop... please...please...fuck... please...

~SnowFlake~