Feeling Like the Red-Headed Step Child
Yesterday was a lonely day for me. I thought it was just because I'm pms'ing that I'm feeling so much negativity... but I think my isolation has something to do with it as well.
I usually have no problem being by myself or finding company amongst other lonely wanderers but yesterday was just a weird day for me. I haven't spoken to my mother in days and I wanted to talk to her so I sent her a text asking if she was in church or not. Her reply was a simple, "Yep", which isn't the most polite response but I'm fucking punk so what do I care about polite? Anyways... I found it curious that she didn't ask or wonder why I was contacting her. Like, all I wanted to know was if she was at church or not? Like, I was just making sure she was doing her religious duty? Anyways... yeah... I didn't hear from her again until the evening time when she sent a text saying, "I fell asleep. Sorry. I hope you didn't need anything." Like, yeah, Mom. My fucking arm fell off and I'm bleeding to death but no, I don't need anything. I'm just making sure you were at church. I was contacting her about a birthday in the family next week.
Ted was also gone all day yesterday. When he was home he was busily working on a project that he's got going. In addition to the project he was working on, he also went to the brewing store and bought a proper carbon release valve for our cider. He now has two batches going. He also learned about secondary fermentation processes that I am very excited to try out. That will make our cider sparkling... which is something I have been missing in our home-brew. Anyways... I felt like he was pretty much unavailable for me yesterday... which was fine because I didn't have anything to say anyways... I played Fable (I) all day yesterday and all I did was marry npc women and slaughter them over and over, and then I went and slaughtered villages so I could buy up all the real estate.
I didn't really need heavy convo yesterday... I just wanted physical companionship. I wanted Ted to sit next to me and study while I played games. I just wanted him there.
On top of all that.... my PRIBFF has gone and become super twitterpated so I feel like the awkward female friend when I contact him right now... I feel like I shouldn't bother him while he's in this state. He's not really paying that much attention to the things I'm saying anyways. I'm not mad at him at all. I am happy for him and I think it's good. The problem is that the nature of our relationship is going to change, at least for a while. I just feel like I shouldn't be carrying on day-long conversations when he's all smitten with someone. I feel like the odd man out.
So, when Ted finally came home last night the first thing that happened was the phone rang and he had to talk on the phone for a while... after which I couldn't stand it anymore and I threw myself in his arms sobbing, and told him everything I've typed out for you above. He laughed (gently) and held me. I made dinner. We ate dinner. Then we watched Dr Who and Dave Chappelle before bed and I was finally happy. :)
I love my husband. I like it when he's with me.
